so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
