so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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