Small penises have feelings too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
