Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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