Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
