p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
