Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
