You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Houston, we have a squirter
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
