What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That's intense
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
