dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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