Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
