Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
