all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
