I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
