he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
