as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
