I heard we made out
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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