I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
