i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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