Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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