i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
