My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
