It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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