so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
