hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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