is your mom at the bar?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
