She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
