Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
