I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Randomize
