all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
