just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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