If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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