Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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