this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
