How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
