my mouth tastes like poor choices
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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