John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
