i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
