why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
