He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
