I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
