Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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