Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
