The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
