More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to cum in my sink.
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