i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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