Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
