i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
