So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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