I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
