I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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