I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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