Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
