The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
