a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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