i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
