yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
