God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
