he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
