Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
