Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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