Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
