I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
